Microsoft Lulz: The Windows 7 Launch Party

There are times when Microsoft has been known to deliver to the masses. That’s why they have the 80-90% market share above all else and where the developers go to make their products available to everyone who uses their operating system. But when it comes to the work-a-day, average, scared of technology consumer market. You have to look back and wonder of how Microsoft became such a juggernaut in the software market in the first place. Creating a little series of video shows that pander to their imaginary audience of idiots (2:18, thanks Charlie!) that show totally unreal aspects of their upcoming products and services to show this is what you can do BUT in hopes that you don’t pay attention to how we present it so it would make you feel and look stupid watching it.

“Too late!” you say dear reader. “Microsoft has already beat you too it”

Hehehe… Shut up. But yes, they do and back in 2009 Microsoft, recovering from the 2006 blowback as a result of Vista got to work fast and give the world Windows 7. But to advertise, they go two ways. A normal company trying to peddle their products would go either one or the other: Go with some cryptic campaign in hopes that goes viral or they just go with what they got and hope for the best. Microsoft in this case would do with one AND the other. In this case to promote Windows 7 they decide to ask their marketing department (probably while high) and do all the research of how to execute this dealy-o to the public while being as friendly as possible. Apparently that high they got was really fucked up when they decided to come up with get this…

The Launch Party!

Yeah I’m not surprised too but more of confused and horrified. In fact cracked did an article on this with the opening line:

Windows 7, aka “Windows OK, We Get It, We’re Really Sorry About Vista Can We All Just Get On With Our Lives Now.”

So here’s the part that if some of you have sticked around after reading this come the videos of the party sessions used to show all the features of Win7 and I can tell you they are just painful to watch I mean seriously no one makes a party for this. To save time and space I’ll display in no particular order because they appeal to me the most and by appeal I mean appal:P Here we go!

In this first video you can already see the many things this party has went wrong. This is more like a selling party than an actual party with touch of douchebag pretentiousness. Also notice the song selection during the playlist process. It sure sound like great songs if they didn’t come with the operating system you got the computer with. Shit even that idiot beatboxing that tune in the video should have clued you in. Did I forget to mention this is a selling party. Geez it’s like the water filters in the Dojo party all over again.

This next one in this 5 part trip of horror details the search function of windows 7 and the opening line goes as “I’ve never hosted a party for an operating system before.”…ASS! I barely use that now, I use everything search now. But my god no one can be that knowledgeable unless you’re a salesman.

This is the video that gets the most scorn from users and windows fanboys alike. Just in the first it looks and sounds like any normal party getting ready until that bitch tells you what this is really about. I mentioned before that this is now how parties work unless this was the purpose. This is one of them. They’re not talking about friends or each other as they break the fourth wall. They’re giving talking points on the OS‘s features and when the guy in the green shirt mentions that he’s not a salesman or an expert. Well, you could have fooled us because no one talks like that unless they have the hidden intent of selling something to you.

And boy they’re selling it to us and those idiots don’t even realize it. I mean good god this is nothing but a pre-sales meeting rather than a setup normal humans would do. Oh also notice the people, it’s totally not like they’re filling some kind of demographic, that’s nuts!

He wonders why he calls them all here because he thinks they’re great. Or they just want hear him brag on again on how windows can now record your favorite tv shows. When there are other things you can be doing now. Like wishing you can find a punch bowl to dump over this guy’s head?

In our fifth and final video, nothing can make you feel more like a tool selling stuff than using the voice activated functions and accessibility in windows 7. I got to confess I actually used the feature once just to try it out and it worked well even with libreoffice not word. But to a limit however its still a long way to go. But until then, just enjoy how big of a tool our “seller” is doing with this thing. Also to note and never mention, Voice recognition programs need to learn to your voice they don’t work this well that fast.

Here’s an extra

User accounts and setting up parental controls. I can see how your daughter can get around this in a second quick or maybe go over to a friend’s place and use their computer there.

Let me make this clear. With the way their acting, it’s already clear before that they are not normal people. They are not setting up a party to spend time with other people, friends and co-workers and the writing on the wall is so big, a blind person can see this one coming. They are salesmen catering to different demographics and try to hide it under the guise of a party and these people are idiots for being suckered into this bullshit! But don’t worry, it’s not like they pull this off and think this is better to other operating systems, oops.


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